that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
