She is in my trunk
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
