I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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