She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
