he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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