it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
