problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
