great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
