mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
