I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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