Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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