I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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