woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize