Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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