I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
