i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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