I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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