I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
