he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
