Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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