I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
