i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
