She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
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Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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