I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
