One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize