For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
