so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
