you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize