Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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