And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
