I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
