Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
