there was a trapeze. enough said
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
