yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize