Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
being pregnant is like rehab
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
