spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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