so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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