the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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