you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
