dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am spending my child support on dildos
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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