Define "chronic" masturbator.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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