you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
