I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
