Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
