:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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