I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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