if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You took a bar mat shot.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
