Got a toothbrush?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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