Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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