Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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