i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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