I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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