it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
