I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
