can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
