i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
