can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
