He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
