I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
