he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
