I showed him my bush... on skype.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
