Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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