Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
