why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
