Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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