Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
