I can text with my tongue
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
