I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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